A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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