My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
nutella sex= disaster
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
