you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
