Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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