oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
