thus making me awesome and them whores
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
