I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
