the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
