The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
