My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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