I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
