Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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