i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just had sex on a roof
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
