I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
