If i come over, it means nothing
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
