omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
