pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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