OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
