I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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