When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
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