This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
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threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
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Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
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