i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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