The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
