Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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