I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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