Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
