That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
