That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
