This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
we're so committed to being not committed
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize