i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
