I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
