You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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