dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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