When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
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Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
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Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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