I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
