He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
