I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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