I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You left your phone here
Wait...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
