Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Randomize
