I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize