Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
