Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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