I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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