we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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