There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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