Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
