my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
