Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
