bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
