saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
