he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
