I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
