Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
