dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
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he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
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Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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