it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
