i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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