SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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