I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
