Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
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