um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
