Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My life is pants optional.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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