haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
