I think my vagina is haunted
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I have fence marks all over my body
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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