Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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