dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
