Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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