I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
