I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
