what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
