Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
