btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
