are you still at the devil's house?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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