I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
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i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize