I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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