I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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