Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
