margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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