Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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