The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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