You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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