I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
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we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
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The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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