Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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