I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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